What does it mean to settle? How can one tell if he/she is settling? I am once again musing about marriage/life/romance… lol… I promise to get back to Egypt at some point…
But this topic is what today is on Gazelle’s mind… once again, it’s not completely because of the boy… that may or may not blossom into something worthwhile, but what is worthwhile is thinking about this.
I’ve read parts of the book “the case for settling” and I think the author makes a good point. From what I gather, she does a study of sorts of women in their late thirties who are still unmarried and why… most of them are still single because they dumped past boyfriends because things did not feel absolutely perfect: he was too short, or too boring, or adventurous or bald or had annoying laugh or swallowed his food weird… I mean some of these reasons were just plain ridiculous. The main idea is that marriage is about partnership… don’t think of marriage as finding the one that will light your fire, think of it as finding the one that will help you run a non-profit organization….Some may disagree, but it’s kind of true!
Marriage is not about finding the love of your life (well, not necessarily) it’s about finding a life partner who will honor, support and cooperate with you on big things like buying a house and having babies to little things like cooking dinner and washing dishes.
People think about marriage as something about fire, sparks, emotions and attraction, and I don’t think if I ever thought about things that way. Much more of a practical girl, the things that matter to me are:
Is he nice/kind to me?
Does he respect me?
Will he value me as his wife?
Does he value my opinions even he doesn’t share them?
Will he be supportive when making important life-altering decisions?
Will we he be able to be real with me and tell me when I am straight-up tripping in a respectful manner, no matter what?
Will he put up with me even when I’m looking/acting crazy?
Will he give me as much attention as I need, and not as I want?
Will we be spiritually in-tune?
And it goes without saying that I think he should at least have a Bachelor’s degree and preferably a Masters.
There you have it, my complete list… It’s funny because it’s a simple list and there’s probably quite a few people who fit the bill… I didn’t always things this way… there was a time when I would sit around waiting for feel butterflies in my stomach or to feel “just right.” That sense of peace and awe when you you’ve met the love of your life… maybe “the case for settling” has infiltrated my brain, but I’ve changed my perspective.
This doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be attracted to Mr. Right or Mr. Good Enough. It just means that even if I end up with Mr. Good Enough, that doesn’t mean that I won’t have a happy, healthy and long-lasting marriage (the end goal).
Needless to day, when the time comes, I will probably settle, not on the big things, but on the romanticized notion of what love and marriage is, according to movies, shows, films and novels.