ok, I am going to skip the apologies on the ‘about the boy”
And get straight to it..
I am thinking about the boy, and Egyptian society (yes, this post is tangentially related to my being abroad… ha, ha)
Again, too early to tell but I was thinking about something a friend told me the other day, Do I like the boy? Or do I like the attention?
It can be hard to distinguish between the two feelings and yet, it’s important to do so. I like our emails, I like our text messages I like talking to him! … but why?
I think this question is important in both the Masri (Egyptian) and American contexts. The divorce rate in the US is nothing to be proud of, funnily enough the situation is much the same in Egypt, despite the religious conservatism and the lack of premarital relations (for the most part). In one country people are dating, living together and even having children before marriage… in the other they might date, but others take part in a traditional marriage, where they meet, have a few talks and then get engaged.
So what does this have to do with what I really like about the boy? Everything!!!
I think the problem with marriage in the Egyptian context and the American context, is that people are not getting married for the right reasons. Heck, some of them are not even entering relationships for the right reasons… I don’t want to do the same.
So how do I tell what it is I’m really liking? Not too long ago I was talking to male friend, just catching up really. He was telling me about his WONDERFUL new girlfriend, who is beautiful, intelligent and set firmly within her given field. Gazelle will not even lie, as I smiled and congratulated him on his good taste, I felt myself be a little jealous…
Well a lot jealous, I wanted to rip that darn picture out of his hand and rip it up!…lol… On the outside I was smiling and laughing but on the inside I was thinking… “Damn, this girl is better than me!”…lol. It was the first time that I had felt threatened by another female presence in relation to this friend anyway.. . in fact I will say this (dear friend, and you know who you are, I don’t know if you still read my blog though)… if things don’t work out with you and Ms. E. and things don’t work out with me and the boy, we should make it happen… I’m serious.
Is it the attention that is now being showered in Ms. E. that I miss? Or is it my friend? In this situation I think it’s complicated and a mix of both… I’ve had this feeling for some time that something was up, just a sixth sense of sorts when it comes to this particular friend. But I think realizing where his attention was focused made me realize something that I hadn’t realized before …. I actually like this person, like a lot. Yup, Attention is part of attraction. Yes. It’s nice to get that constant reinforcement/proof that someone is interested in you. But I have to be careful to not mix up the two. The wrong balance and everything could be thrown out of whack.
I have to really focus on this in the context of the boy because he popped up after this incident with my friend… is the attention from the boy a surrogate for the attention from my friend?…hmmmm
So the next time I get a message from the boy, and start smiling that cheesy smile, I have to ask myself: Am I smiling because I got a message in my inbox? Or am I smiling because I got a message in my inbox from someone I really like?