Today was one of those days I guess. The end of it was harder than the beginning.
I got mad at a class mate during a class discussion…not unusual I guess, but racism and bigotry are my no-no areas, it’s hard to sit and hear someone say things that are pretty awful and do nothing, and say nothing…. But that blew over as it usually does. Class was long as boring as it always is. My last session with my language partner was alright, but weird.
Later in the evening, I had a difficult phone conversation… Imagine me having to be the one to try and cheer someone up, I think there’s a Bible verse that says when though are strengthened, strengthen they brother” well, what about when you aren’t? ha, ha… Yup today was one of those days.
I am a realist, too much of one these days, so I spoke in very matter-of-fact language, and tried to sprinkle it with words of encouragement and hope, but the truth is, I’m tired. And that conversation took even more out of me.
I walked home. Headphones in as usual, I did not see the usual harassment suspects, but then things always come from unexpected places don’t they? Again, my headphones were in, but I was looking straight ahead, when I saw some white as paper Moroccan dude (I mean I literrally thought to myself when I saw him, man that dude is really fare, he’s practically the color white!)… start saying crap. I yelled
Which is milder way of saying go F*&9 yourself…ha, ha… what a wonderful thing to right before iftar time in Rammadaan…. Oh well.
(he who started it is the one to blame).
These street confrontations take more out of me, already feeling on empty I continued the tiresome trek home. Meknes, the city that I am is pretty hilly, well it sits in the foothills of the Atlas Mountains. There is a big hill that I have to climb on my way home. At the bottom of on side lies Mcdonalds and Pizza hut, on the other side a park, that in some places smells like pee… I like to alternate between which side I take, just in case someone is following me (paranoid I know). I should have taken Mcdonalds. If I haad done that I would have had to deal with that jackass. But I took that path two or three days in row and thought a change was in order. Besides there was a weird guy there yesterday who was pulling up his pants after doing God knows what…
At any rate as I walk past the park a street child proceeds to approach me from out of nowhere and harass me for money. I say harass because even after you say no, many still tend to follow you and get really close. As stated before I’m spent. Mentally and emotionally tired. I had below zero patience.
After I say no, the child proceeds to say something in a very forceful voice. My headphones were on, so I didn’t hear his exact words, but at that moment it felt like a very brunt demand for money. At this point, he is getting very close, perhaps close enough to touch me. I don’t want to fling a child off of me, so I say in a very forceful voice,
قلتلك إنو معنديش حاجة خلاص!
“I told you I don’t have anything, that’s enough”
I actually said it in Egyptian Arabic, but he got the point… at the same mooment a family was crossing the street, they looked at me like I was crazy…. Oh well.
As I walked up the hill, I did feel bad… it wasn’t my intention to be so forceful with that child. I didn’t hit him, but I’m not even opposed to giving street children money. But I’m tired.
My reaction to him bothers me, because I’m reminded of a story about a man who invited God to his house for dinner. God RSVPed and all was set and good to go. But an old begger knocked on the man’s door and he shooed him away, saying “God is the guest of honor in my house tonight I can’t have you making this place look dirty.” Or something to that effect. He does the same thing with two other beggars that come aknocking. In the end God doesn’t show up and the man asks Him why, to which he replies…. I did try to come, three different times, but you wouldn’t let me in…. moral of the story…. Pretty self-explanatory. We reveal our devotion to the Divine by our acts of charity and kindness and patience.
I think I failed on all three accounts today
I have been purposely ignoring phone calls , on one hand I’m not obligated to answer the call of someone who got my number through a third party. On the other perhaps I should find a way to firmly say I’m not interested in you, in simple language that does not sound mean…tough feat and like I said, I’m tired. so I let the phone ring. I think he’s called five times… sigh. .
Did I behave like that man? I don’t know…If I did I’m sorry… today was just one of those days.