On Being a Woman of a Certain Age…


Where has time gone?  It seems like yesterday I was a 22 year-old in her first year of grad school and writing about whatever I observed during my stay in Yemen.

Now I’ve got one more year as a 20 something, and don’t know what to do with my self.  My mind goes to travel, possibly getting the travel bug again and what that would mean for logistics… love logistics that is (ha, ha… ok, that was terrible).

Yes, it’s come to this… Don’t judge me!… ha, ha…

I am somewhat one-track minded.  Right now, the focus is getting other affairs in order.  But as a dear friend’s nodding and prodding reminded me, and as I advised her… “you can not be young forever!… settle down when you can and do not put it off till later, there is not always a later.”

So here I go again.  Maybe it’s the Egyptian culture that seeped into my way of thinking. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m usually the oldest or one of the oldest among my group of friends.  Maybe it’s because I saw a particularly hot picture of Ashton Kutcher and decided that James Franco is superbly handsome as well.

And I don’t even like Apple products….

Maybe it’s none of the above.

Nope, it’s definitely James Franco

But I’ve got marriage on my mind… not in the classical sense (good Lord, I am not ready to jump on the first man that moves…ha,ha…not that desperate, ever!) but I’m realizing that wherever I live in the next few years will almost certainly impact whether I get married and who I  marry.

On one hand the whole prospect is quite alluring. Do I want to end with Carlos Manuel in Spain? Perhaps a good, hometown southern boy down in Georgia or Texas?  Do I want to duke it out with all the other stuffy, young professionals here in the DC metro area?  Or maybe, I need to find an awesome expat somewhere in Arab world to get my happily ever after?

Really? I guess my books could keep me warm at night… sigh

These are the thoughts running (well maybe gallantly jogging is a better description) through my mind at the moment.

I briefly met up with some friends today and one had great news:  Her sister was marrying a German guy and moving to Germany… permanently! Do I have what it takes to do that? Hmmmm… I don’t know. .. ha, ha.. but that’s ok.

It is somewhat daunting to think that I could end up somewhere, choosing a country/region that seriously limits my choices for a partner…

The Arab World, would probably mean ending up with an ex-pat, which is fine.  But, there aren’t many ex-pats like me… I wouldn’t want to be with someone who hated/looked down on the local culture… or who didn’t have a clue about local language and customs.  And unfortunately, ex-pats tend to form little isolated gated communities, interacting little with regular folk.  What’s the fun in that?

Married life won’t be anything like this…

That he be religious (i.e. practicing) is important to me (which cuts out a lot of people in a lot of places… like most of Western Europe, right?). I wouldn’t mind someone from a more religiously conservative area (of the US) but Bible/Quran thumpers need not apply.  I’m just no cut out to be a missionary’s wife or like the dad in that movie, Mooz-lum (Evan Ross does a great job in that film btw).

And then of course there is race (and yes it always comes back to this in one way or another)… I have to live in a place where being dark and lovely does not equal being dark BUT lovely.  Because, that could mean ending up dark and lonely … ha, ha…

I’m not necessarily married to the idea of having a soul mate; And yet, I just think about my many idiosyncrasies, and wonder, who in the world is going to be able to deal with all this?  And will I be able to deal with all of his that?

At any rate, if anyone knows of anyone that might fit the bill, holla at a sista!  …ha, ha…

Who actually believes this?… ha, ha…


2 thoughts on “On Being a Woman of a Certain Age…

  1. I agree with your last assertion with that last picture. Having spent the greater part of my adult life single, I had plenty of time to develop myself into an outlier of the version of myself I think I’ll eventually become. Human beings were made for partnership and community, and there’s only so much self-development we can do before we tend to gravitate towards one another while everything else around us tends towards entropy.

    I pray you have success in your search/not search. I can say as someone who felt that I had a list of idiosyncrises that made me incompatible with every living man on the planet that those who fit are not necessarily those who have everything in line that you thought you’d want…but maybe you couldn’t imagine them or want them any other way. I don’t have answers because my story isn’t terminal, but being a woman of a certain age partnered but watching so many friends marry before me…I feel ya.

  2. gazelledusahara

    Yeah, I just feel like, I know who I am, and I have been working on me for almost 29 years… I know the aspects of my personality that need work… and I have a clearer picture of what I want (in life, in a mate, in everything… ha, ha…)… and yet.

    But, as I keep telling myself these days… Rabna Kareem! So let me focus my attention on what is appropriate. i.e. that which I can do something about… 🙂

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