Black + Muslim + Woman

This woman’s entry hits the nail on the head. I’m not sure what the answer to the problem is. I’ve posted before about this in the American, Arab and European contexts. I will admit though, it is hard to believe in your awesomeness when you know that “it” is indeed happening because you are black and therefore inferior/less desirable/whatever negative epithet you want to put here.

But what is interesting in this post is that the man told her so… he admitted it to her face! Some may not agree, but at least he let her know beyond a doubt, that the problem lay with him and his family’s prejudice.


“It’s because you’re black.”

He repositioned himself in the chair, then looked down at his cup of coffee and grabbed the handle. I could tell this conversation made him uncomfortable.

He was from the subcontinent but had the swag of a black brotha. He said he was having a hard time find a sister from his background because he couldn’t relate to them.

“I’m sorry, it’s just my family wouldn’t be happy…” He said this apologetically while taking a small sip from his drink.

I looked at him from across the table before proceeding to give him a piece of my mind. But then I stopped myself.

Why was I shocked?

I thought about how this would have played out totally differently if I was a white girl, and laughed under my breath. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand my white sisters have their own set of problems when…

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2 thoughts on “Black + Muslim + Woman

  1. The answer is…skip all of those men! There are men out there who can look past their family’s racism and see you for all the awesomeness that you are. I know, because I’m in a relationship with one that caused me to see past *my* family’s racism to carry things on.

    For years, I decried this syndrome of men bending to family’s desires and passing up black women. But then I remembered, oh shoot, my family is formerly black nationalist, my grandfather will probably hate to see me with a white man, I have an uncle that regularly disowns anyone who brings a white person into the family, and most importantly, a father who wants to see his Muslim daughter convert and marry a Christian man. This is some challenging business!

    So while I can’t be entirely mad at men who are not up for the challenge (I was in the middle of a relationship and wasn’t sure I was up for it, either!), seeing now that it is possible for a man to love me as I am, not *in spite* of my “blackness,” but as one of the many parts that makes me, me…no use wasting breath and time on such men.

    The choochoo train to marriage is a rough ride. You ultimately want someone who’s up for it. If they give up just shy of issues of race and ethnicity, then they never deserved to be on board, anyhow.

    1. gazelledusahara

      Ha ha! I am with you there, it’s just kind of hard to skip them when you know, you don’t about their chocolate hating tendencies until there is too much involved. But are absolutely right.

      Although my family doesn’t have any hang ups about race and such, I recognize that if they had reservations about someone that I wanted to marry, then I too would begin to have reservations as well. Forsaking it all for love is great in the movies, but it’s risky.

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