Two women as different as can be. One average height a little larger than average size the other short and petite. One trying desperately to gain weight to bulk up, the other trying methodically to lose some weight.
Two women exchanging anecdotes into the wee hours of the morning: One a muhajiba who can’t seem to find the right guy the other, no scarf in sight but dealing with the same issue.
Two women, pushing thirty, giving each other advice that never seemed to work in the first place.
That was my weekend folks… ha ah… it was fun, but saddening to find the same old story with single women no matter where I in space or time I meet them. And you know what? That is ok!
I am tired of being made to feel like the rawness, and sometimes hopeless inevitability of spinsterhood is nothing to fear. I am tired of being made to feel bad or somehow less worthy of the “feminist” title because I want my baby and trophy husband too.
I remember once a blond white woman in response to my (very real) declaration that statistically speaking, it’s very hard for educated black women to get married said this: “It’s hard for everybody” and then proceeded to discuss her past deadbeat and otherwise unsuitable suitors. Well, that woman is married and it happened for her within 3 months of meeting the guy… I guess it’s like she said, it’s hard for everyone. But channeling the great writer George Orwell, I would add that “but it’s a lot harder for some than it is for others.” I have other friends who are blondies and in my same predicament, so don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not a hard and fast rule, not by a long-shot. But sometimes, it’s nice to not have to walk on egg shells in reference to other people’s priviledge. Sometimes, you just want the difficulties you face to be acknowledged, and validated.
Don’t get me wrong. As I say with many aspects of my life, Rabna Kareem. Things will happen when they are meant to happen. However, I am human, and I don’t know when that when is. Is it tomorrow or 5 years from now? The now knowing part leads to periodical pity parties (where I am the only attendee…ha ha..) and sometimes they lead to awesome joking and chatting into wee hours of the morning with a woman who couldn’t be more different than you are.
We are fabulous and we are worth every form of sacrifice. We also know that good things come to those who wait. I’m ok with that.
There isn’t a relationship out there whose dynamics I envy. It’s not about anybody else’s timeline, this is not a race. It’s about my timeline, my great expectations for myself.
And this other lady, growing up in a different hemisphere but criss-crossing between the two just like me, trying to figure everything out just like me and knowing that God is the only one who really knows the outcome of any this as I believe as well, She just wanted to let her hair down (figuratively and physically I guess).
It just felt good to know that there was someone else out there who understood and didn’t have trite diatribes to spit out at me (and I know I am guilty of using them as my go-tos as well). It’s not all in my head, the problems are univeral, international, however you want to put it.
I haven’t let loose like that in a long while. So, all in all it was a good night.