On What Two Women, as Different as Can be, Have in Common


Two women as different as can be. One average height a little larger than average size the other short and petite. One trying desperately to gain weight to bulk up, the other trying methodically to lose some weight.

Two women exchanging anecdotes into the wee hours of the morning: One a muhajiba who can’t seem to find the right guy the other, no scarf in sight but dealing with the same issue.

Two women, pushing thirty, giving each other advice that never seemed to work in the first place.


If the end result is the same, that you end up alone, does it really matter?… ha ha…

That was my weekend folks… ha ah… it was fun, but saddening to find the same old story with single women no matter where I in space or time I meet them. And you know what? That is ok!

I am tired of being made to feel like the rawness, and sometimes hopeless inevitability of spinsterhood is nothing to fear. I am tired of being made to feel bad or somehow less worthy of the “feminist” title because I want my baby and trophy husband too.

This is what we are doing and we’d appreciate it if you had a little less attitude when churning out advice on just how we keep calm and wait… Thank you!

I remember once a blond white woman in response to my (very real) declaration that statistically speaking, it’s very hard for educated black women to get married said this: “It’s hard for everybody” and then proceeded to discuss her past deadbeat and otherwise unsuitable suitors. Well, that woman is married and it happened for her within 3 months of meeting the guy… I guess it’s like she said, it’s hard for everyone. But channeling the great writer George Orwell, I would add that “but it’s a lot harder for some than it is for others.” I have other friends who are blondies and in my same predicament, so don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not a hard and fast rule, not by a long-shot.  But sometimes, it’s nice to not have to walk on egg shells in reference to other people’s priviledge. Sometimes, you just want the difficulties you face to be acknowledged, and validated.


And sometimes I just smile and nod when people spout out that “We all feel the same pain” BS… and prove my case without even realizing it

Don’t get me wrong. As I say with many aspects of my life, Rabna Kareem. Things will happen when they are meant to happen. However, I am human, and I don’t know when that when is. Is it tomorrow or 5 years from now? The now knowing part leads to periodical pity parties (where I am the only attendee…ha ha..) and sometimes they lead to awesome joking and chatting into wee hours of the morning with a woman who couldn’t be more different than you are.

We are fabulous and we are worth every form of sacrifice.  We also know that good things come to those who wait. I’m ok with that.


There isn’t a relationship out there whose dynamics I envy.  It’s not about anybody else’s timeline, this is not a race.  It’s about my timeline, my great expectations for myself.

And this other lady, growing up in a different hemisphere but criss-crossing between the two just like me, trying to figure everything out just like me and knowing that God is the only one who really knows the outcome of any this as I believe as well, She just wanted to let her hair down (figuratively and physically I guess).

It just felt good to know that there was someone else out there who understood and didn’t have trite diatribes to spit out at me (and I know I am guilty of using them as my go-tos as well).  It’s  not all in my head, the problems are univeral, international, however you want to put it.

And to prove my point, here is a page out of Cosmo Phillipines… ha ha…

I haven’t let loose like that in a long while.  So, all in all it was a good night.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s