A few days ago on Facebook, my status was the title of this post.
After a looong dry spell, I had an unexpected brush with the possibility for louuuuuuuuve…. Ha ha…
The suitor was cute, educated, spoke at least three languages well (including English!… ha ha) and for whatever reason was impressed with me. There was only one problem …
Okay one main one among many that had yet to be discovered: He is old… much too old, for me. He doesn’t look it, which MashAllah is good for him, but the fact still remains that he more than 10 (but less than 20—- and no it’s not 19) years older than I am. I was bothered by that fact. The context, I will spare, but he’s a serious minded individual looking to settle down in late age.
I am no spring chicken, but damn! I’m not Catherine Zeta-Jones or Celine Dion. For whatever reason I have been binging on Romantic comedies and Disney Classics: Love stories and then some… I think they messed with my head ya’ll!
I did some reflecting and realized and said to myself that this is an individual that is looking to get serious very soon and I am not in that zone. It wouldn’t be right to just go along for the get along.
But part of me did some reflecting and said, hmmmm … I’m awesome, I know that. But, how can I tell if this person recognizes that or is just getting the best that he can get now that he’s old(er) and perhaps can’t catch the PYTs of his own race. (Yup, he’s not black). Being here has made me even more sensitive to this phenomenon: Older (usually) white men bagging young(er) beautiful black women.
Now this guy is not white, but he’s not from an ethnic group that completely embraces black people (are there any that do???!!!). And I just can’t tell if he was attracted to the novelty of the black girl who not only speaks Arabic, but his dialect as well— and I didn’t want to discover what someone would probably never admit anyway.
His directness took me off guard, but then I realize that older men have no time to waste. I, on the other hand am not in quite so much a haste. One of my friends made a good point, her dad is ten years older than her mom and now that they are older he can’t be as active as she is. Then I remembered that my dad was 11 years older than my mom and he died, leaving her with little kids to raise at a pretty young age. Then I started thinking about Celine Dion (praying her husband pulls through) and I wondered if this was something really worth trying out to see if it fit.
I am not one for “practice” and see where it goes in relationships. Things are less messy that way.
I mean, look at me writing a journal post about something that is a whole lot of nothing, but because it very easily could have, has got me thinking, reflecting etc.
I guess I’ve realized that talking to people for the purpose of marriage is heavy stuff, and I’m not sure I am cut out for it… it’s too much pressure…. Ha ha… then again, the last time I did it, it was with someone older than myself and with some of the same time of our lives differences coming up.
Oh well. I guess when you end up alone after a little bit of excitement, the threat of spinsterhood rears it’s ugly head in your subconscious.
In the mean time I can stare and continually be rattled by the new coworker who looks just like the high school sweetheart…. How fitting that I be around such a constant reminder of the folly of teens and early twenties on the eve of my turning thirty…. #FML
… No, Rabna Kareem, so I am keeping hope alive that the next frog I kiss (figuratively) will be a prince.