Lord Help Me, I’ve Been Mr. Darcied- On being amazing (for a black woman)


I have had it America! (Africa, Asia and whomever else might read this) I’ve Just had it!

Pride and Prejudice is my all-time favorite Jane Austen novel. I don’t want to give too much away, but there is a character Mr. Darcy who falls in love with the protagonist. But he’s richer than her, so he’s conflicted: how can he possibly be in love with someone beneath him?

He professes his love to her in an almost insulting manner. Darcy basically tells her , “I know that I am better than you in every conceivable way, but I love you despite you being beneath me…” Yeah it was real romantic…. NOT.

Really?!! Tell me more!

That scene was almost a watershed moment for me in young, naïve not really exposed to love experiences mind. I thought Darcy was awful and was so happy when the protagonist told him to shove his crappy proposal.

Well, 12 years later as an almost 30 something, I am finally getting better at recognizing when I am being Darcied. The latest offender was the last effing straw… he’s the reason I came up with the term.

It became obvious as my interactions with him made me feel like he was thinking along these lines… Gazelle you are awesome, but I am X race and therefore better than you. You have no right to look at my faults because I am x race and while you are awesome, you are only awesome… for black girl.

Basically, he’s a guy that a woman like me in his community would not necessarily jump at the chance to be with but me… oh yeah he had it in the bag. :-/   I was practically told what I have in my blog title… I’m amazing (that I know). But his actions led me to believe that I was being Darcied big time.

So here are some clues to when you are being Darcied… this could be the case if the person in question:

  1. Gives you weird, backhanded compliments (you’re smart for a blonde, educated for a [insert group name here]
  2. Assumes that since you are a member of a certain group, that you must be super honored/excited/pressed to be their companion
    1. If they consider it an effrontery that you would even think about not staying with them even though they like/low you DESPITE coming from a particular group… no need to look for further signs. YOU ARE BEING DARCIED.
  3. Criticizes people from the group you belong to and then tries to save their rude comment, with a “no offense” or a “but I don’t mean you”
  4. Thinks you are some sort of exception to the rule when it comes to the group you belong to and your manners, education, morals etc.


The thing about being Mr. Darcied is that there is nothing wrong with you, the Mr. Darcy just thinks there is and can’t understand why he/she likes you anyway. It’s a Freudian sinkhole.

There are others, but these are the big red flags for me. Gazelle has no time for the Darcies of this world… unless they are reformed, come to his senses type Darcies.

And don’t be fooled, as in the case of the original Darcy, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a race or class thing: you can be Darcied for just about anything, (size would be the part three of the big three)… people look down on each other for really stupid reasons. That is what 20 something me is coming away with as I prepare, InshAllah to meet 30 something me.

But yeah for me, it has tended to be a race issue. Somehow people think that because I studied other cultures I somehow do not love my own and want nothing more than to be absorbed into theirs?

That’s what it looks like when people assume I am not proud/happy/content with being black….


Ok, this is the end of my rant. no wait, this is the end of my rant:

I am precious, it’s society that’s a piece of shit… that makes so much more sense… words to live by…


4 thoughts on “Lord Help Me, I’ve Been Mr. Darcied- On being amazing (for a black woman)

  1. Somehow people think that because I studied other cultures I somehow do not love my own and want nothing more than to be absorbed into theirs?

    I get this all the time. I wrote a piece about anti-black racism from Asians and someone commented “I’m glad she’s finally seeing the light” like if my interest in Asian media had rendered me stupid while the Asians around me commented “but I thought you loved Asia”. Right, so that means I’m just going to sit back and tolerate racism *rolls eyes*

    These days I’m not even trying to date anyone especially interracially because of these kinds of fools.

    • gazelledusahara

      Yeah I feel ya. I hate it, the unsolicited nature of their advances, their foolish idignation upon realizing that my self-esteem is not as low as they think it should be for a black woman (and a dark-skinned one to boot!). It is just weird because this doesn’t happen to me when I am in States, but now being abroad again, it’s like it’s open season… Ha ha…

      I just wish I knew what I was doing to send out the vibes that attract the wrong sort of person. Gazelle has no time for other people’s color and racial complexes. 😦

      • Oh I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I think we’re just bound to encounter such people on our journey through life as there seem to be so many of them around.

        Also I didn’t know you were abroad again. It always seems like dating abroad is such a hassle, but then again these days I think dating in general is a hassle *sigh* but I guess one thing I’ve noticed with my friends is when they meet something it’s not planned, it just happens so you never really know. Don’t give up

  2. gazelledusahara

    What gets me is that these are people that come to me!… ha ha… I go about my business doing fine, and they someone comes along and I feel like I don’t know what my Qadr is, so I should at least consider them… and then another one bites the dust!… ha ha…

    Surely, there is someone out there that’s worth it as much as I am…

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