2015 in Review: N-O-T-H-I-N-G

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I don’t know how 2015 came and went so fast. To be honest this year has been a strange one. AT the beginning of every year I write something to myself really, about my hopes, dreams and expectations for the year.

I reviewed the one I wrote for this year and to say the least it was underwhelming… I had to do a lot of …womp, womp Gazelle… that’s not at all how things panned out.  But that’s life.

Yup, in a lot of ways I chock 2015 up to being a year of belied expectations and disillusionment. Maybe it’s for the best. I ain’t never been no Pollyana but now, I pretty much feel tapped out.

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Yup this is Gazelle from here on out…

So here’s to the new me, I guess. I’m someone who likes to learn from her mistakes and from every experience, particularly the crappy ones. I figure at the very least I can have a better understanding of behaviors I need to avoid in the near and distant future.

And so the lesson I have been trying to internalize is that he who expects NOTHING is never disappointed.

So I don’t expect to read good news in the news. I don’t expect bad news either. It’s time to read for reading’s sake.

I don’t expect to build strong relationships with friends or coworkers, not ones that last forever anyway. It is what it is. I’m an introvert, I don’t like big groups, I have never been the life of the party and it’s ok for me to sit on the sidelines instead of schmoozing with people at every meetup, office event or social gathering. I am giving myself permission … It’s ok to go, do my half an hour of showing face and then leave…. If this means that Mindy and I never become bffs or that we grow apart then …. so be it. Moreover, people change, I change and it’s ok if this causes our compatibility to morph into incompatibility.

I don’t expect romantic relationships to form or to last. This one’s easy and nuff said, not that I have been the paragon of optimism on this front anyway, but of all the things going on in my head and in my life right now… this ish can certainly take the entire backseat.

I don’t expect to have anyone’s confidence or trust, and don’t expect anyone else to have mine. I don’t expect anyone to understand, sympathize or empathize with me. And I don’t put pressure on myself to do it either. Sometimes we think, hope and expect others to understand and support us in ways in which they never really do. Sometimes people have their own far more pressing stuff going on and you can not be their priority.

I don’t expect my hard work to be rewarded, not on earth anyway. Karma is a force I think that is out there and works. But I gotta embrace/face the fact that sometimes we put our blood, sweat and tears into something and get noting more than a big, fat eff you in return. That’s the breaks.

So yeah, it’s me and N-O-T-H-I-N-G  for the foreseeable future. That way if something better than nothing happens I can rejoice all the more over it.

This is not to say that I am not grateful for the past year, it’s a year a lot of folk didn’t get to see the end of, It’s a year where I accomplished a lot of stuff, experienced new things and made some important decisions.

I just think that tempering my expectations and my optimism is what is best for now at least.

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