Somewhere Between Anger and Depression

I lost a lot of stuff last year.

Physical things, metaphorical things, optimistic perspectives about a lot of things. I’m chocking it all up to growing (up) which apparently I have not done enough of.

But I am in a funk, and am accepting that maybe this funk is here to stay for a while. In high school we were taught the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

The sad thing is though, that I’m not sure about my current stage. Sometimes, I think it must be anger. It’s come to my attention that a lot of people and things annoy me this day, to the point where I am audibly or visibly demonstrative: We need to fix this.

But does Gazelle even want to?

I am waxing tired of doing things without good reason (because others around me tell me to do so), tired of people who can’t face the realities on the ground, probably growing increasingly weary of ex-pat living and apprehensive  about a hella lot.

So yes, I am angry. I wish people would just leave me alone. Like for real, no one talk to me until April… ha ha…

And it’s on this point that I get confused because I think maybe I’m just depressed. Some days I would like nothing more than to stay home all day loooong. Maybe I’m not angry at people and things, so much as I am really saddened by how things have panned out as of late and don’t know how to fix myself, much less anyone else.

And here I am trying very hard so that the glum awfulness that was the last quarter of last year, doesn’t drag me down the first quarter of this year. Sigh.

It’s not that good things didn’t happen last year, it’s not that I didn’t have milestones that I accomplished. That’s simply not the case.

But that’s life, I guess. It’s part of humanity’s nature to focus on what went wrong as opposed to what went right.

Or maybe it’s all related to my being tired of a lot of things: There’s but so much bird shit that can fall on your jacket before you go home, take it off and perhaps decide to stay in for a while.

But I gotta get out of this shit hole. Being tired is tiresome.


But, not really.        Source

Maybe I should take heart, and read messages like these:


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