So I have been thinking.
I turned 31 earlier this week and the days leading up to it, since last week and have been rough. I started taking stock of my life, what I have done so far and what I haven’t. It left me in a bit of a conundrum and a funk, but I gave myself time to think it through and cry it out ( literally and metaphorically).
Maybe it’s the middle child in me, but I tend to be the one who is accommodating in work, friendships, relationships etc. I tend to let other people pick which part of the project they want to do first (we have less fighting that way), I would rather go along to get along.
It’s how I dealt with a lot of things. But I am thinking it’s time to turn over a new leaf.
Gazelle needs to love herself first. Gazelle needs to respect herself first.
It’s as simple as that. I took a long, hard look. Well, it was inspiration from a friend who recently told me about how he periodically takes stock of himself and the relationships he’s formed and decides whether or not they should continue.
I guess, I do the same, but in a different way. My process has been sudden. I came back from a trip to Thailand (more on that later, I ever get the pics on my phone) and my mood is completely different from what it was even the morning I left.
It’s like a rain cloud came over my mind, forcing me into the indoors of my heart and I wasn’t allowed back outside until the storm had subsided: The way I looked at myself, at life, at people is all topsy turvy.
So yeah I am doing a mix of taking stock of my own actions and my reactions to the words and actions of others.
The end result, (I presume) will be to reassert who I am and who I want to be. This sounds cryptic (as many of my posts do, I guess) but it’s really not about any one person, well it’s really only ABOUT GAZELLE. So for those of you who know me in real life and may think you know what this is about…. YOU Don’t. You really, just like don’t know even half of what I am writing about. Sigh.