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http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120238969

I love NPR!  Michele Martin always seems to say what I am thinking but eloquently.  Here is her commentary on the recent shooting at Fort Hood…..

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Just a few more words about last week’s twin tragedies — the shootings at Fort Hood, Texas, and the following day in Orlando, Fla.

Both of those put me in the mind of a habit many of us had when I was growing up (and, no, it was not that long ago). We would run to the television when we saw a black person on it — literally, run, and call everyone to the set to watch. Now, I don’t remember what words we would use; it was it something like, “Mom, there’s a black person on the TV.” (I think the word we used was probably “Negro.” As I said, I don’t remember.)

But I do remember it was considered such a rarity and of such importance [to see an African-American on television]. It was assumed everybody would want to know about it — unless, of course, it was something embarrassing, like a black person being arrested for something.

Which brings me to the other thing we would all do when I was growing up…

We would pray — sometimes silently, but very often out loud — that if something bad had happened — a crime, or some other mishap — that no black person was involved.

It was assumed that success was individual but failure or disgrace was collective. It was assumed that while one black person’s accomplishment might not be deemed to reflect on the rest of us, one black person’s defect surely would, so we might as well get ready.

I actually have some personal experience with this. I was a new reporter at The Washington Post years ago when another black female reporter there named Janet Cooke wrote a story about what she said was an 8-year-old heroin addict named Jimmy. That story set the city on fire and later won one of our industry’s highest honors.

The only problem was, Janet was a pathological liar, and the whole story was a lie.

It was an ugly, painful mess. But in the middle of that mess I had to rent an apartment. Being just out of school, I had no credit, but I did have a job and a college diploma. The landlord demanded not only to verify my employment but to see my diploma.

As a precaution, he said. Because he wanted to be sure I really had gone to Harvard; because, he told me to my face, of Janet Cooke. It was a request he did not make of my white roommate. And we wanted that apartment, so I showed it to him.

So I think I understand how some of my fellow citizens feel right now as they watch the news unfold about a Muslim Army psychiatrist who allegedly massacred more than a dozen of his colleagues and wounded more than 30 others.

Jason Rodriguez, 40, surrendered to police after allegedly killing one and wounding others in a shooting rampage at an office building in Orlando, Fla.

Jason Rodriguez, 40, surrendered to police after allegedly killing one and wounding others in a shooting rampage at an office building in Orlando, Fla.

And then the following day, a Latino man allegedly shot up his former workplace. And this follows, of course, the shooting at Virginia Tech, where a student who had immigrated from Korea shot and killed dozens of students and faculty, and yet another, where an Asian immigrant shot and killed a number of people at a community center.

I can understand how members of these groups felt then and now — the sense of anger and shame, the shock of recognition that they too might have shared some of the assailant’s resentments at one point about small or not-so-small slights, and then the revulsion that someone would take innocent lives because of those resentments.

Then there’s the wondering, how do my fellow Americans see me now?

Can I just tell you? I can also see where some Americans are puzzled by all this. They look at the countries from which many immigrants come, and they see places where you can’t get your telephone hooked up or your business licenses approved without a bribe. Or, they see governments that rule either ineptly or brutally. And so they wonder, what on Earth minorities here have to complain about?

They either don’t believe minorities are slighted, or wonder why those slights loom so large.

And the answer, I think, is that it is especially painful to live in and love a country where you are constantly told you’ll be judged by what you do — not by your father’s name or clan, but by your own actions and efforts — and to continually find out that that is not the case. That the color of your skin, the origin of your name sets you apart, forcing you to prove that love of country in a way that people without those attributes do not seem to have to do.

Is there a cure for all this? Does it just take time? I don’t know.

I just know that I hope when my children see that a black person does something wrong, they’ll say that it’s a shame. Just not their shame.

I asked God for a sign and he gave it to me. I just don’t think I can deal with being here for three years. it’s too much to handle.  It’s funny cause at the interview the woman asked me, how I was and I told her 25 and she replied, oh we are an open society, you can meet someone here and get married!  I appreciate her frankness, but Qatari “openess” is not gonna get me man, I don’t think. Reality set in, and the confusion about what the next step will be is not gone, but I am closer to it as I have realized that the next step absolutely can not be here.

I think the weirdest part of all was the whole process, salary was never discussed, I wasn’t even given a chance to consider the offer based upon the interest that I showed at interview.  I am supposed to be a part-timer while in school and I had to ask what I would be paid for the part time tasks I completed.  Bureacracies are every where, but I am not used to the work place set-up like this one and don’t want to get used to it.  besides, I think the tax free salary thing is overated, unless you are in 80,000+ range and are getting free housing.  This was not that kind of job.  I made more at my previous job than what they expect to pay me here… money isn’t everything, but once you slide backwards on the salary, it becomes hard when moving to the next level, and bonuses+ raises aren’t neccessarily part of the vocabulary here.

I’A this was the right decision.  I want to focus on my books anyway!   …lol…

I’A I won’t end up on anyone’s shit list…. :-/

Give us Free!

lol.. that is what I feel like saying when I think about having to return to my dorm before 10:00.

I don’t think I ever have… well there was one night when got back by 9:50 ish, but only after leaving our event very early.

I’m not even going to front it’s annoying.  I am 25 years old I am responsible for myslef I’m not crazy and make good choices, and yet my 17 year old sister can stay out longer than I can.  I am ready to stage a revolution!!!!!!!!!

 

It’s a mixture of the curfew and the insanely long wait for a taxi that gets me pissed off.  I have waited as long as an hour to find one and know classmates that have waited for two hours.  Imagine leaving for dinner at 6 or 7 and having to be back at 10 knowing that the taxi was going to take insanely long…. Gazelle is not feeling it!!!!!!!!!!!….lol…

But it’s funny because whenever I express dislike for the curfew the Arab girls look at me like what is your problem, that is life, we like it this way.

I’m not even advocating on their behlaf, I understand why the curfew exists, but inlight of the ridiculousness that is finding a taxi and the fact that there are people who live here who come from countries whose take on freedom of a woman’s movement is quite different (the women have to have written permission from their father’s in order to be able to leave the dorms for any reason other than school at all) there should be some concessions made.  I have expressed this and want to write a letter ot the head of houising about it.  I’m not asking for much but an extension of the time till 12 midnight— which is still ridiculous for me but I know I can’t go crazy with requests.

The girls roll their eyes, shake their heads, and wish me good luck.  I’A it will work out.

I just don’t want to step on any toes, but I know the curfew isn’t a Muslim thing or even because of the Qatari pace of life neccessarily.  Events go on in Doha proper around 8 and finish 11, 12 or even after that.  I just want to be able to make it to more of them.

the answer to the tile of my post is subjective I know. But it’s related to a conversation I had with a lady here the other day.  This sister wears the niqab (she covers her face) and is pretty disgusted by the way some of the men act here.

There is always this expectation that when you go to a Muslim country that it’s going to be this magical experience and that there will be no war or strife within the society and certainly no random men oogling you.  But guess what?  There ain’t no such thing as a Muslim country!  Just countries full of Muslims.

I can understand this sisters disappointment, It’s disgusting as she pointed out to see a man in the mall sitting next to his wife fully covered while he ogles whatever girl/woman happens to be walking past.  Lowering the gaze does not seem to be part of people’s vocabulary. sigh.  It seems as this sister put it, in her country there is craziness all around and yet Muslims make a concious decision to seek out God and to practice there religion, and yet here, where it’s so easy people don’t.  Why is that?

I think it comes down to choice.  She has the choice of what she wants to do/be back home.  I have the choice, but people here do not.  We could be covered from head to toe or wear barely nothing, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t ramifications of either choice, but you have the freedom to pick either.

I think the issue here is that there seems to at least a significant number of people who don’t want to dress traditionally or practice their religion the way they should, but they do it because if they don’t people will talk about them.  It’s not about being obedient to “God” but rather to culture or tradition. I don’t think I could handle that kind of pressure.

More importantly I think the pressure to “conform” goes to the heart of the question of the point of fulfilling religious obligations/feigning piety.  If you’re intentions aren’t right, then what is the point?  or rather if you intentions aren’t right, then do you get “credit” for doing it? I raise this point because in my personal experience the people that come to the states from Gulf countries to study/work for a bit  that I have met, almost seem to hang their outward signals of their “Muslimness” on the immigration barricade.  I don’t mean just women and abaya/hijab I mean actual acts of worship as well. Sometimes they even go farther than that (hymen replacement surgery much?).

It just seems that if people are doing that, then something somewhere is wrong.  It’s like someone who doesn’t get access to something very often so when they do, they over do it. Of course not everyone is like that. but enough are for me to ponder what this means.

Where are the “best” Muslims at?

So let’s cut to the chase, the Venus and Serena matches were nice, I couldn’t stay as long as I wanted to because I have a 10:00 curfew (on of the many lame things that I refused to get used to). The party at the embassy wasn’t a party at all, it was just a hot mess.  I had my suspicions that it would be bad, but to see them be confirmed so forcefully… oh well I guess.  The music was random, like somebodies Ipod playlist, the crowd ranged from 16-60 or more and the food was questionable….lol… My friends and I had fun poking fun at it I guess…. ce’st un experience I suppose.

The more acclamated I get to my class the more I see the distinct differences between my perspective on things and those of my classmates. I don’t get it all the time but sometimes I feel like saying “What the heck did you just say?!” …lol… I suppose it happens to us all.  It’s just weird that in Qatar where the assumption would be getting a feel for the Khaleeji point of view is the default, I am hearing about the lives and perspectives of a group of Europeans along with people from developing/industrializing countries,oh yes, and the WASP prototype.

I think our class discussions are for the most part cordial,but sometimes when it’s over I feel like, um did I really learn something new that I wanted to learn about this person?…

Case in point the other day I don’t remember how, but I was explaining some of the basic tenets of the Nation of Islam so someone and their reaction was “oh that doesn’t sound like  a religion at all… it sounds like some strange theory.”  Um, ok… I try not to say things like that about anyone’s religion—- I guess I just don’t see the point, but to each his own I guess and.  Besides, to be fair the person was expressing a view about something that must have been amazingly new and shocking to them.

Somehow the American chimes in about new religious movements and how they are basically a bunch of crazy crap and the conversation goes down  a road I am not traveling nor am I keeping quiet about.

I told them both that every religion has aspects that are beyond belief to someone and being new shouldn’t make something any less strange than the other more established religions.  I’m sure people found it strange that people believed that a man died and rose again from the dead, or that another ascended to heaven physically and then came back…. those are perfectly normal, everyday occurrences, right?  ….the conversation went dead after that.

I didn’t want to mention that one of the people is from a religious sect that was founded on the premise that the end of the world was coming in the mid 1840s and then amended this theology when this did not happen…. not strange at all!

:-(    ….lol….  Gazelle has to speak her mind.  It’s good practice though, Alhamdullilah I think I was able to do this without offending anyone or trying to shame anyone.

Now for what to do when people feel like it’s ok for them to tell me what they think is so stupid about “Islamic” culture, or Qatari culture, or Hijab or any number of other things…. that could take a while.  Sometimes I am surprised that people say these things to me, on the other hand, it’s good to know what is really going on in people’s minds.  Sigh… I don’t want to be part of anybody’s lets dog this religion party….

I have adjusted to quite a few things here, some of which I haven’t really encountered before, others of which I’ve had to deal with previously.

The Qatari woman and her maid bit fell through, I am going to be an athletic coach for Halloween, which suits me just fine.  After accusations from some members of the community here, some people thought it would be mocking the culture/an insult.  I still contend that it’s not an insult to make fun of the ridiculous way that people treat servants here… it’s disgusting to see how some of these people are treated and should be satired whenever possible… although the intention of the costume was not really to belittle the system per se, I mean not a political statement against guest workers, but rather a representation of something that is a part of every day life here in in the Arab Gulf.

I need to post about it as a separate entry but will mention that guest workers do everything here, for the first few weeks we wondering where in the Heck actual Qataris were because we see more Indians, Indonesians Pakistanis and Arabs from poorer Arab countries than we do Qataris… in fact the foreign nationalities seriously outnumber Qataris.  Whenever a building is being put up you better believe I don’t see a single non-Asian face putting it up, and when there is a child walking around the mall, chances are (8 out of 10) if the mother is clearly Qatari then the made is the one holding his hand, not the mama, and I can’t even tell you how many times I have seen women shopping and their maids scurrying behind them, holding all the shopping bags… That’s enough description of the issue for this post.

but whatever.  There was no big fight about it or anything but this issue has given me food for thought.

The way I draw boundaries around things have to be reconsidered in light of the new surroundings that I have wilfully placed myself.  I know someone who went to a halloween celebration as a hijabi… that to me wasn’t appropriate because it’s kind of like mocking someone’s religious choice, but I get that people go to Halloween events as priests and nuns as well, so eh,… the area is pretty murky…. I guess for me, dressing as a Qatari woman was not to make fun of the culture, or the hijab at all, but to make clear what our representation of something that everybody and their grandmother sees here everyday and many people, Arab/and non-Arab complain about.

In the course of the disagreement over the Halloween outfit, I asked someone for her opinion on whether or not it was ever appropriate to mock/impersonate a woman who happens to wear hijab and her answer was no because she is wears a hijab.   In my response to this, I made clear that I thought that the idea of mocking/impersonating someone who happens to have hijab or any sort of identifying facial feature or accessory is not making light of that person’s feature but making clear who the representation is supposed to be about… people went as Sarah Palin last year and wearing glasses and a pencil business suit had nothing to do with mocking/impersonating her as a woman, but as a personality.  If/when some country gets a Hijabi President or popular figure— he/she will be caricatured with their scarf, it would not make sense to without it.  Hijab is about seeing a woman for who she is, and if they are funny then representations of that funniness will include the hijab as well.  It’s not about keeping a woman outside of public view at all…. at least that’s one way to look at it… at any rate when it comes to seeing people for who they are,  unfortunately who an individual is, is not always all that wonderful to behold… and I reserve the right to make fun of that…lol… some

I don’t know, the idea of the hijabi as the sacred thing above all reproach is one that I find hard to swallow— and a little scary.  Human beings are human beings. I also think it points to a larger issues in a lot of Muslim communities,  where some women are feeling like their i@!S don’t stink because they their cover their hair or even wear the appropriate loose fitting clothing to boot.  We are all struggling/functioning failures at a lot of things, so I don’t know how someon can look at someone else and make an estimation of where they are religiously…

At any rate, the admonishment for the costume idea which was originally met with much aprreciation was made by people are the same people who make jest and report with disgust about how people treat guest workers here—-  I’m not really seeing the difference between that and my Halloween constume,

but oh well… back to whether impersonating/cariacaturing the Mistress-servant relationship is attacking someone else’s culture.

I guess I have two main questions for myself to sort out while I am here.  The first would be, do all aspects of culture need to be condoned?  —- I know the answer is no, especially aspects of it that promote inequality or other such vices, but am not sure if putting the way a lot of the domestic and other guest workers are treated here in this category is a mark of my Western cultural imperialism or just a purely human rights concern.

The other question is one of outward appearances and how does one fit into them.  Thank God, I am not the sort of person who gives a hoot about what someone else thinks about my hair, styule of dress etc.  But I knew coming here that the mode of dressing had to be more conservative than I would otherwise have done, not just out of respect for the local culture but for my own peace of mind… it’s hard enough having random women hungry men stare at you when you are so sure there is nothing to see how much more if I were wearing jeans and a t-shirt…. but how far is too far?   I think this can be a form of mockery if not done with the right intentions.  If you are wearing an abaya or extensive layers of clothing purely for the purpose of currying favor witht eh local culture, then that is wrong.  I don’t really know of anyone here who does this, but there were European classmates of mine in Yemen who did the hijab thing not because they believed in it, but as a means of getting closer to the women there… I don’t know I guess to each his own, but what part of you are they getting closer to if they think you are one step closer to declaring Shahada or are all of a sudden a full blown muhajiba? I just would rather be myself and you the individual can take me or leave me…lol

Ai, these thoughts kind or ran together.  Hopefully they will get better with time.  maybe a post in Arabic would be fun… hmm… maybe when I can actually write without a million errors in the message…lol

At any rate, I have to try to be more open to people’s perspectives on things even if they don’t make logical sense to me… that’s what I’m here for, and besides maybe I need the enlightenment.

Ok so It’s been a month since I’ve been here and I can the one activity that I do the most is eat.  Sooo sad… when we go out, it’s usually for lunch or dinner somewhere, there isn’t much else to do.  I am visiting the local landmarks slowly, seeing as how I have 9 months and don’t want to get bored with everything too fast.

So far I have only been to Souq Waqif which is a government-built- manufactured version of the tradtional open air market.  It’s hilarious because the place in ar-conditioned, offers a bunch of random objects from abayas to cheap trinkets.   But I will be going to the Islamic history Museum either this week or the next.

Next week, or this week rather is a Halloween party, I’m not much of a Halloween person back home, but  I am looking forward to being in an American setting where the lines between male and female, appropriate and inappropriate are not so darn wide. A friend and I are going as a Qatar woman and her maid (oh that needs a post all by itself the indentured servitude/slavery that they have going on here, makes me sick to my stomach :(    I hope we can pull it off.

oh, oh. I’m going to a tennis match!  Hopefull one with either Venus or Serena Willaims, something I probably wouldn’t do at home.  I do hope its fun/I get some decent celebrity pictures out of it.

Oh, how exciting life is!..not!…lol…

Arabic Class

I jokingly say that I am in the top 10% of the bottom half of my Arabic class and that might be an overstatement.  Maybe I should try writing entries in Arabic again, but I am so self conscious about my writing. I took the placement exam and according to that, I am supposed to be in the intermediate class.  After one session I realized that that was not where I needed to be and have been in the advanced class since then.

The trouble is I am the only person in there who didn’t place in, granted I am also the only person in there who hadn’t studied Arabic for a whole year, but still.  Alhamdullilah understanding what is going on in class, i.e. following the lectures and conversations, but there are a lot of words that i have forgotten and or/have been using incorrectly… :-/

و فوق ذلك كله فهناك كلمات كثيرة التي لا اعرفها

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who isn’t try to play it up like I know what’s going on all the time… oh well.  Case in point, today in class, we had to work with a partner to analyze this piece of poetry.  Well I didn’t understand any of the words from the first question, my partner, who happens to be a Spaniard, even translated the directions for me into Spanish and I was still giving him a blank look… :-/ … oh well, InshAِِِllah this will pass.

It’s just frustrating that it’s hard to speak Arabic outside of class.  This is the one thing I miss about the Middlebury program, we were forced to get our Arabic on!…lol… Here it’s like no one speaks Arabic… even when you address people in Arabic, they answer in English.  Argh!

This too shall pass.  I am still hoping to really develop/improve over the course of the year, I guess I just have to be more forceful about speaking Arabic to people.

So here is what has been happening to me so far—– I go to class, come back and go out to eat or the mall once or twice a week…. welcome to life in the Gulf.  I need to talk about the things to do (or lack thereof) but that’s not what this post is about.

I may have an interview for job here that would be a three year contract… I did not know or apply for this position, it has just come up—- funnily enough that seems to be the way things work here… random people and random experiences… but whatever.

So the thing is I was not planning at all on staying here for longing than the stint of this program… and can’t imagine living here for three years… There are pros to working here of course, number one would be the tax-free salary, two would be the more than adequate free healthcare and three would be that I already have friends here… but I don’t know.

I feel like Qatar is weird.  Or I feel weird here. I am adjusting to the heat, to the gender segregation to the gawking of random dudes, to the malls that cost the same or more than at home… I just don’t know if I could go the distance.

It wasn’t part of my 5 year plan, You know. I was getting advice from a friend here and said, well, I would be roughly 28 when the term was over.  That is a problem… the likelihood of meeting my future husband here is well,nill, well I hope…. meeting a man HERE is not part of my 5 year plan or life plan at all….lol…

I’m trying to be open to possibilities… and that is all this is right now a possibility… no offer in hand, and that’s ok right now.  My mom says I should keep my options open and take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself… so I will at least enquire further  and not stop this cold turkey… Me, single black female in Qatar?…. young professional in the boring half of the Arab Gulf…lol…

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